Perez isn't the only one who knows how to Photoshop. Original image, Flickr.com/macadaan

OK, I meant to say something about Perez Hilton Thursday, just after he posted a pretty callous and insensitive post about Michael Jackson faking illness to get out of his upcoming world tour (turns out, the health problem reported that morning was real. And fatal, as anyone in the free and not-so-free world must know).

I don’t think the guy should get any more attention, even from a blog no one reads (ahem), because it just fans his flame. Perez takes to controversy in such a compulsive, almost aggressive way that it’s truly sickening to think about how powerful he is. It was surprising to see how shocked he was that so many people were happy he’d gotten sucker-punched by Will.I.Am’s tour manager; as John Mayer [shockingly] wisely Tweeted shortly after, fans didn’t want him hurt, but equalized. He’s a normal guy who got really famous being really mean, and not even in a creative or funny way. He has become a millionaire because he’s succesfully managed to become a horrible, untalented celebrity — just like the ones he tends to deface. Perez is totally comfortable being offensive, and that makes people angry.

John Mayer, the unexpected voice of reason

Let’s talk about the gay rights movement for a second. It’s sad to see someone so powerful be a completely ineffective voice for a cause. The way he asked a loaded question at the Miss America pageant and subsequently  relentlessly attacked not “separate marriage” activitists but a bumbling beauty queen; the way he used the word “faggot” as a way to insult and provoke a physical attack and the press’s attention and the way he refuses to apologize to GLAAD, his former employer, for such a glaring misstep. For someone so powerful, he has no idea how to organize, or get things done, or even rule the Web benevolently.

Perez is also misogynistic. He frequently calls women whores, sluts, bitches and a melange of other insults in his posts. He loves to blur out the faces of girlfriends of the young guys he’d rather be dating. He is kind to women like Gloria Estefan, Madonna and Lady Gaga; his allegiance seems to lie with those most likely to let him ride their coattails, put him in front row at their concerts or accompany him to awards shows. They’re happy they’re not being slaughtered by his Photoshop paintbrush, so they reciprocate with invitations. The women who play nice — the ones who say they ignore him — tend to get crude drawings of drool, vaginal discharge and ejaculate drawn all over their bodies. Unfortunately, this isn’t seen like a big deal, as this complaint could easily be deemed too feminist, and, therefore, frivolous.

Lastly, my problem with him becomes a question of culture: Why is he so damn mean, and what does this do to us as readers? Recession, war, civil rights issues and other real problems plague American culture already, and now we’ve got some asshole ripping into celebrities left and right. And no, celebrities don’t warrant much sympathy, but why can’t pop culture just be a little bit more highbrow; or, if it’s not, why not satirically, hysterically funny, like Dlisted? TMZ, Gawker and GoFugYourself are blogs that offer similarly entertaining perspectives on our culture without being downright crude. (Perez, by the way, is an awful writer.) I wonder if Perez’s livelihood was effected — if the large TV banners and screen wraps disappeared, and site traffic slowed — would he really still continue to say he doesn’t care what anyone thinks?

So, the next time you’re tempted to check out his site or click on a link to his Twitter, think twice: Day-to-day life is complicated and stressful enough — do any of us really need to deal with more shit?

#Unfollowperez

2. Travis Barker (Blink 182) and DJ AM (um, Nicole Richie?) were seriously injured with burns in a plane crash last Friday, but are expected to make full recoveries. They’re also really, ridiculously lucky — the other four passengers on the plane were killed.

3. Want to hear the James Bond Quantum of Solace theme song, courtesy of Jack White and Alicia Keys? I know you do. Click here.

4. 30 Rock’s Alec Baldwin and [the amazingly awesome] Tina Fey took home Emmys last night, and so did their show. If you’re into that kind of thing, read a rundown of the evening here. And if you don’t have time to read about Heidi Klum’s 74 wardrobe changes, get a simple list of the big winners here.

5. Well, this is good to hear: Jennifer Aniston doesn’t care about what the press has to say about her. I’m sure all that “lonely spinster” talk tends to get old.

Oh yeah, Dancing with the Stars premiers tonight at 8 p.m. on ABC … I feel a poll coming on …

Why will you watch ‘Dancing with the Stars?’
( surveys)

2. Ellen DeGeneres is the newest Cover Girl.

3. As a faithful Facebook user since 2004, I’ve stuck with it through what seems like a million redesigns. I’ll stick with it through this new design, and chances are you will too. And so, to the general whiny public I say: Stop complaining and quit joining online protest groups. And, while you’re at it, go visit your grandparents or something. We all have other stuff to worry about …

4. … like whether this dude was OK after diving into a 12 inch deep kiddie pool. on Jimmy Kimmel Live.

5. Young@Heart, a documentary that follows the lives of a New England choir of senior citizens covering the music of Sonic Youth, James Brown, Coldplay and others, came out on DVD yesterday. I can’t wait to rent it. You can pay tribute to your own favorite ageless wonder (and learn more about the doc) here.

2. It only gets worse — MTV decided to shutter TRL in November.

3. On a sunnier note, lucky USA Today pop culture writer Whitney Matheson interviewed the cast of It’s Sunny in Philadelphia about their upcoming fourth season, which premieres this Thursday. I’m only a recent fan of this show, but I have to say it’s one of the few out there that’s consistently laugh-out-loud funny — if you’re a fan, mash up your own trailer here.

4. Fair readers: Why is this news?

5. People has a list of five things you didn’t know about Sarah Palin. I stopped after the third one.

2. Jennifer Hudson got engaged to “Punk” from VH1′s I Love New York 2. Wait, what?

3. Sarah Silverman won an Emmy for “I’m (expletive) Matt Damon.”

4. I highly object to some of the choices US Weekly made for its list of “25 Most Stylish New Yorkers,” mainly because I think it’s bad to keep giving Tyra Banks reasons to talk about herself on her show.

5. … which brings me to Pop Bites poll time: